I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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