we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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