She is in my trunk
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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