Whod you bang
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
