Sponge bath it is.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
