He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Panties = found
Randomize