hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
