everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
