Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
