she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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