garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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