i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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