I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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