I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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