I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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