WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My cat gives me a boner
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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