he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
