i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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