Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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