John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
