Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
