Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
