Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
