My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
