On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize