There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish i was in the wii world.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
