You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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