i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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