i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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