i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
