Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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