Having a random hookup so left but love u
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
and you fell through a lawn chair
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
