Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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