his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
