Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
