JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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