remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
