my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize