it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
