Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
