Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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