Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
