P.S. I can't hear my feet
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He felt like a one man threesome
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
