True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
