had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
