the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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