Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
