yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
