just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
