just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Im just a social blackout drinker.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
