I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
