tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
