his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
