my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
