I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Four minutes until I can fart!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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