I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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