whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
