Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
