either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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