i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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