is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
