I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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