so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
