New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize