Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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