@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
