This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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