so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
