Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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