Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
