I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
