he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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