so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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