Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
