would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize