He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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