i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize