I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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