she was so not down for the gang bang
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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