When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
