So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
