i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We left the knife in your bed.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
