Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize