Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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