and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
