I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
