I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
