I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
