I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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