I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
