i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
