i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
