I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We talked him into tasing himself.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
