I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize