she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
