I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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