Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize